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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Who Knows?

I have not blogged for over a week, but there has not been a single day when I have not missed Akul or cried silent tears of yearning. This last week Sunil and I were attending funeral services for a family member and we both ended up outside the church weeping for Akul. As we lay white and orange roses on the departed, I thought about that wise old soul whose physical body lay motionless before us, meeting my Akul. I silently closed my eyes and begged her to give Akul lots of love and then wondered if she would tell Akul how much his parents miss him, and how meaningless and empty their life has become without him. Would he then come to visit us? If he did, would he see the smooth round stones in the water fountain that read, "Always in our hearts - our sweet baby AKUL"? Would he notice that every picture frame is filled with him? Would he feel the pregnant silence that fills the house we once called home? Would he see the darkness in the oil lamp we light every time we join our hands in prayers? Would he see his little clothes, toys, bedding and bottles all tucked away in closets we are afraid to open, yet unable to close? And if he did see all this, would he decide to come back?...Who knows?

1 comment:

  1. I was worried about you because I haven't seen you post this week.
    I'm supposed to attend a funeral this weekend too. My cousin died on Monday. I'm not sure if I can do it. I commend you for putting yourself through that.
    Will I see you Wednesday at group?