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Tuesday, July 14, 2009


A lost baby mom at our support group "Empty Cradles" told us how her angel baby comes to say hello to her every now and then. Her baby "Angelica", says hello to her in strange ways. Either her baby's date of birth or her name shows up every nnow and then. She has spotted her daughter's name on the backs of trucks, on coat labels and even on boxes containing dolls. I came back home that dayand talked to Akul. I asked him how he would show me he is around me. His name "Akul" is from hindu mythology and would be really hard to come across in the US.

The next evening my husband and I were watching "American Idol" and for the first time in the history of American Idol the judges decided to have 13 (Akul's D.O.B.is Feb 13th) finalists instead of 12. And wonder of wonders, the 13th finalist was an Indian, "Anoop." My husband and I looked at each other and I said to him, "Akul has told us he is here."

Again, we were in LA the week of father's day for my nephew's graduation. The night before father's day, I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. The bathroom door was slightly ajar. Suddenly I felt Akul was looking at me, peeking playfully from behind the half closed door. He was not the 3 day old baby I last saw, but about 3 years old. My heart skipped a beat. I spent the next 12-15 hours crying. I cried for what could have been and what was not. I cried for my child who I miss so very much.


  1. I cry too, alot actually. I miss my son more than anything. I've looked for signs from him, gone to bed at night hoping to dream of him and nothing. Maybe I'm looking too hard and he'll appear to me when I least expect it. I'd give anything to hold my son one more time, if only in my dreams. Hugs

  2. I'm so sorry that the world has lost Akul. And I'm sorry that you lost your precious son. This is not a journey that anyone should have to take.

  3. I'm so desperately sorry for the loss of beautiful baby boy Akul. I will look forward to following your story.