MOTHER'S DAY WITHOUT AKUL

Here is something I wrote on Mother's Day:

Mother’s Day came and went. I am a mom, but have no child to love and hold. Our son, a three day old, small, under weight, dearly loved little baby, passed away on February 16th 2009. He left behind an empty space where dreams once existed. He also left behind a closet full of unworn baby clothes and picture frames of us, his devastated parents, holding our tiny baby. My husband bought me a mother’s day gift, a beautiful white budding rose which is as pure and as innocent as my child. The note attached to it read, “to the best mother in the world” and it was signed from my son, Akul. If my son were here, I would be tired because of sleepless nights. My breasts, heavy with milk, would probably ache from feeding him. Our house would smell of baby smells – baby powder and dirty diapers. We would probably be fighting over every little thing one of us did with him and we would worry and stress about him all day and all night. But we would be complete. Our dreams would be intact and our arms would be full. Now all I have is a single white rose that sits on my table and a note in my son’s memory box that reads, “to the best mother in the world.”