The Dead and the Living

My husband is putting in new flooring in one of our bedrooms. He got the carpet out and is putting laminate. This last saturday, we got all the furniture out of the room and my job was to sort through the drawers and throw out what we did not need any more. I found many audio tapes that belonged to my mother. She loved music. She would pop her audio tape into her cassette player early in the morning and listen to religious music. Later in the afternoon she would play semi classical songs in hindi and at times folk music. She had touched all those tapes. I also found diabetic magazines she used to read and her glucose tablets (she was diabetic). I found old pictures in which I was a seven year old and my world was complete. I had my grand father, my parents and my siblings (my brother and my sister) around me. How I yearn for the innocence of yesteryears!!! Also, I found an audio tape that had my dad's writing. He had titled it in pen.
One huge dresser drawer is full of Akul's things. I found some stuffed toys, a teething ring, a baby tape player, and a soft toy that squeaked. I even found a light green hospital bracelet that Akul wore during his short stay at the hospital. I picked it up, held it against my nose to see if I could smell my son. I could not. I held the bracelet against my heart for a few minutes and then defeatedly put it away in his memory box.
It hit me once again that today I know - I mean really really know and love(crazily) more people who are dead than people who are alive. My world has crumbled.