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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Six Months Old Today

If Akul were with us, he would have been six months old today. This week we were lucky to have a teacher of vedas (ancient books of knowledge of the self) and transcendental meditation visit us. The first day he was with us, I saw him look at Akul's pictures (which we have put in electronic picture frame), with deep concentration, for long periods of time. Later, I had long talks with him about my sorrow and about how much I miss my son. I told him about the dreams I've had about Akul and what I perceived as visitations from my son. This learned teacher (Acharya in hindi) told me that there are many layers or dimensions of existence. His perception is that Akul came to us from a higher dimension. After being with us for some time he decided that his existence in the other dimension was more blissful, so he returned to it.
I have a choice. I can believe or I can not believe. I choose to believe. I believe that the soul is immortal and it is only the body that dies. I choose to believe that my child is in a better place and that he chose to be in that place because it is more blissful. I choose to belive that this is not the only dimension of existence and that people we love and care about are still around us even if they are in a different dimension. I also believe that some souls can transcend different layers or dimensions, else how will I explain Akul's visits.
Akul is six months old today. I choose to believe that the last six months have been ones of bliss for him and not of sorrow and darkness. I will take a life time of sorrow and darkness in exchange of bliss for my child.


  1. I totally agree with you. It doesn't make your pain less but helps you to deal in a much better frame of mind. God is good.

  2. What a beautiful post.

    I am so sorry that your gorgeous, precious Akul is not with you. Such a terrible loss for your and Sunil and your family.

    x babylost mama to Alice Buttons

  3. How neat to have such a distinguished person in your presence. It sounds like you had a good, healing week. I believe Ella is happy and in a good place too. However, I still prefer her to be here with us. I guess I haven't reconciled with that, yet.

  4. What a sweet beautiful little boy! So sorry that Akul is not in your arms where he belongs.

  5. I believe that he is in a blissfull place, too. And I believe that Akul is a very lucky baby to have parents like Sunil and you. Peace and positive thoughts for your family..


  6. I agree, I chose to believe those same things. The body once dead is just that a BODY. The soul lives on and on. I love when you said "I will take a life time of sorrow and darkness in exchange of bliss for my child." BEAUTIFUL!!! Do you know what that means??? Despite the short amount of time you had with your angel, you learned what a true mom is. Mothers are supposed to lay down in front of the bus before it hit's their child. Something that all mothers should know, but some sadly do not. Do you see that in 9 months and 3 days you figured out something that takes some women years. AMAZING, is what you and your son are.

  7. Your Akul was beautiful and I'm sure he is happy as his soul lives on. He was lucky to have you as his parents, even if just for a little while. Your blog radiates with your love for your son. Peace and love'n prayers for you from another bereaved mother.

  8. Oh, I go through this all the time. I talked with a Goswami shortly after Little One's transition and had a similar conversation. Our babies' bliss in a way is our terrible pain, it is hard to reconcile.

    I choose to believe also.