Grief is lonely- Thanks for being there

Last weekend was so hard on us. It was the anniversary of a three day span of time within which our baby boy was born active and alive and then passed away limp and lifeless in our arms. We were devastated all over again. I kept telling myself and Sunil that there was nothing different about these days, that our baby is gone every day, that each day we miss the feel of his hands wrapped around our fingers and his skin sitting lightly on ours....but yet we went back in time and grieved just as we did right after we had lost him.

In the midst of this grief you did so many things that helped me and supported me. You left comments on my blog and facebook, you sent me things for Akul that made me feel he was remembered and loved by many.

Thanks to Birni who made this for Akul and sent it to us on that weekend...yes valentines day and Akuls birth and death anniversary fall around the same time.

Akul got other things for Valentines day too. This one is from Bree who emailed me throughout that weekend. I knew she was thinking about us all the time. Bree wrote messages on my FB and even called me on the 14th to ensure we were doing OK. As you all know Bree is in our support group too and she was there with flowers for Akul when we had a little cake cutting ceremony for him during the first week of Feb. Then again on his death anniversary Bree lit a candle for Akul and sent me the following picture.
Thank you so very much Bree. You have a very special place in my heart.


My wonderful colleague and friend Tracy remembered Akul's birthday too. She sent us a beautiful flower arrangement tied with a big red bow. On it was a card with balloons that said "Happy Birthday Akul. We miss you very much." Tracy and I were pregnant at the same time. I with Akul and she with Annalise. Our colleagues gave us a joint baby shower and to this day I have not been able to go and see Annalise ( I do see her pictures and know she is absolutely beautiful). Tracy understands and always asks me about Akul just like I ask her about Annalise. Tracy, you are amazing. I am so lucky to have you as my friend.


And then my brother came to California on an official trip. He came to our house on Feb 14th, Valentines day - a day he should spend with his wife. However, my sister in law and my brother decided that he should be with us on that day because it was the time we would need someone. He stayed with us till 17th morning, going to work intermittently. He drove almost 70 miles to his place of work, but still stayed with us. I thank both my brother and my sister-in- law for this. Having him here with us, definitely helped us get through these three days.


I read my blog and your comments, I read your comments on facebook, I read your emails and saw all the things you made for Akul and I was supported in my grief. Thank you so very very much.