When we first lost Akul, I desperately searched for an answer to my questions "Why?" "How?" and "Where did he go?" I did what I always do to find answers - I started using the web and its search engines. All I found was poems written by other baby lost moms. I wrote them all and re wrote them all and read them over and over again. I have no idea why. But there was this one poem written by a mom a year after she lost her child. At that time I wondered how would I live a whole year without my child - but I did. It has been almost a year. The date is looming over our heads like a mushroom cloud. And today, once again, this poems surfaces.
I lost my child today
People came to weep and cry
as I just sat and stared, dry eyed
They struggled to find words to say
to try and make the pain go away
I walked the floor in disbelief
I lost my child today.
I lost my child last month
Most of the people went away
Some still call and some still stay
I wait to wake up from this dream
This can't be real, I want to scream
Yet everything is locked inside
God, help me, I want to die
I lost my child last month.
I lost my child last year
Now people who had come, have gone
I sit and struggle all day long
to bear the pain so deep inside
And now my friends just question Why?
Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song
Good heavens, it has been so long
I lost my child last year.
Time has not moved on for me
The numbness it has disappeared
My eyes have now cried many tears
I see the look upon your face
"She must move on and leave this place"
Yet I am trapped right here in time
The song’s the same, as is the rhyme
I lost my child.........today
--Netta Wilson, written in memory of her daughter Caprice Cara Wilson, who was killed in an auto accident.