Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I have been silent for really long. We spent a lot of time away from home during the last month and it helped. It helped to be away and spend time with happy people. And now we are back. Back to our old life, our silent home, the TV that talks incessantly and the electronic picture frame that lights up the living room with pictures of our dying son. We are back to facing our crushed dreams and mood swings. And I am back to baby lost blog world. The year has changed. It is no longer the beautiful 2009 that gave me my baby boy to hold and behold, and it is not the hateful 2009 that stole my child from me. I watched the ball go down in time square and I watch the world squeal in delight welcoming 2010. I looked and wondered why there was so much excitement. 2010 did not change my life in any way. My husband still looks tearfully at pictures of our lost child and we still parent a picture that sits in a crystal frame. My arms are still empty and Akul's baby things are still locked away in the closet. I am still sitting here talking to you - my baby loss mom friends and my eyes are still moist with your tears and mine. Nothing has changed. It still feels like 2009.