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Sunday, November 8, 2009

We Are Everyhwere

Ever since I lost Akul, I find lost baby moms everyhwere. They are students in my classrooms, they are my colleagues, they are mothers of my friends, they come to my support group, they write blogs, they treat patients, clean houses, work in grocery stores...
This weekend I went for a haircut after 7 months or more of supporting an unpruned crop of speedily depleting hair. A young woman, with a decorative flower pinned into her short hair, cut my hair. She looked about 6 + months pregnant and I could feel her belly against my arm as she shampooed and dried my hair. So we got talking and I told her about my loss because we were talking about what she thought was my thick hair growth and actually I have lost so much hair after I lost Akul. She then told me about the lady who was styling hair in the booth next to ours. She told me this girl had just had a miscarriage. I looked at her. She looked beautiful - very nicly put together, her hair piled on top of her head in a 60's style film satrrish way, a beautiful sparkly yellow flower tucked in her dark hair, every feature on her pretty faced enhanced by makeup... a picture of a normal happy young lady who had not a care in this world. But I knew she had suffered a miscarriage. And then my hair dresser told her about my loss. The connection was made. She sat down in a chair next to me and just looked at me. I told her I was so sorry for her loss and she teared up. She told me how she had had 3 miscarriages and how she has one child but losing three has been very hard on her and her relationship with her boyfriend. I told her how hard losing Akul has been on us. How it has changed our relationship forever ...and the tears began to flow. I forgot someone was cutting my hair and she forgot where she was. We were just two lost baby moms who were sitting there crying ...two strangers who felt closer than sisters in that moment. For a few minutes we were oblivious to everyone. And then her boss came and gave her a hug, her coworkers got us hands full of tissue and we were shaken out of our temporary respite from the world around us. We wiped our tears, blew our noses, hugged each other and parted.

16 comments:

  1. Your post brought tears to my eyes...how truly touching. Sometimes, even when it can be painful, it means so much to connect with stranger who understands. Thank you for sharing.

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  2. It's nice to make those connections and know you're not alone. How did your hair come out?

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  3. I have learned this too. I have met so many moms walking around the with same heartache. It is important for us to talk about our babies, just like you told the woman about Akul. We can't stay in silence because there are too many of us dealing with this pain in silence. We are everywhere.

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  4. Thats so special. I'm so happy you had a moment to talk about Akul and rejoice in what and who he was. I'm sorry she has experienced a loss as well, but its nice to sit face to face with someone who can somewhat understand your pain. *hugs*

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  5. We ARE everywhere - and those connections between us are the only thing that has made this grief journey bearable.

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  6. That is how God works, he brings people in and out of our lives, some for shorter visits then others. I love that both of you could share with each other. It is so sad and my heart aches for your sorrow. I pray for your comfort all the time. ((HUGS))

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  7. Wow. I only wish I could connect with someone, anyone face to face that had any semblance of idea what I am dealing with. My support lies here, in the blogs of women with whom I share a common heartache. How I would love to get that hug of understanding from someone who also has been there. Hugs

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  8. What a wonderful connection.

    xxx

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  9. How wonderful that you both had a chance to talk about your precious children. xo

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  10. It is so true, the connection between babylost momma's runs so deep.

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  11. You are so amazing. You have this beautiful way of finding the good in things-I know you probably don't feel like that all the time-and I don't mean the "good" in losing Akul (nothing at aLL good about that)=I just mean, you have a positive, peaceful, spiritual outlook on all things.
    I strive for that.

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  12. Such a poignant encounter. It's true, this sad sisterhood is a special closeness. I'm glad you got to share Akul's story with her and she hers with you. (((Hugs)))

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  13. Wow, such an emotional encounter. I'm sure she was grateful to meet you and to find a connection with someone who understands.

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  14. This is so true. We seem to come out of the woodwork when someone has been through it. I know it seemed that way right after loosing Bryston. And it is and immediate connection. I feel like we are all sisters in our grief and I feel so much compassion everytime anothter baby loss mom reaches out. Its one of the perks in so few highlights of our grief. *HUGS*

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  15. That is amazing. You two were brought together. I am sure you both needed that.

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  16. I have a picture for you, email me caring4carleigh@yahoo.com :)

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