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Friday, November 13, 2009

My Love/Hate relationship with Friday the 13th

It was in February of this year when Friday the 13th became such an important "thing" in my life. I remember going to my OB on the February 10th. After we finished the testing Akul's heart beat, I was asked to go to the reception to make my next appointment. We had the option of coming in again on Friday the 13th and I shuddered. I do not know why, but I did not want to go in on Friday the 13th. Then on Friday the 13th, I felt my baby was not moving as much. I decided to go in and get his heart beat checked - and he was delivered through a c-section. My beautiful baby boy - wide eyed and rosy - pure as a budding white rose... He came to me wrapped in a hospital blanket and all I saw were his wide round eyes - open in amazement. Drugged and worried about my tiny 3 and half pound active little baby, I asked the nurse to take him and ensure he was OK. I thought I had a lifetime to hold him. Little did I know...But it was on Friday the 13th that I saw my little boy for the first time. Yet every time Friday the thirteenth comes around I am reminded of what I have lost instead of what I got.

Today Akul is 9 months old. He would be crawling around the house and jabbering inchoerently. According to literature this is the time he would have "parting anxiety" and would not want me to leave him. I wonder if I would be able to continue teaching if he got anxious every time I left the house. I don't know. But I sure wish I was given a chance to know.

15 comments:

  1. I wish you were given that chance too. Akul is so beautiful. I love looking at his picture!

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  2. I didn't even realize today was Friday, the 13th. Thinking of you, Sunil, and Akul.

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  3. I wish you had the chance, too, Nimoli. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and Sunil, and always of your Akul. xo

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  4. How I wish that for you too. I have come to detest the 13th, I wish I had insisted that Calvin not have his surgery on the 13th. True, it was a Thursday last year when I handed my son over to the surgeon for his open heart surgery, but it was the 13th, and the last time I saw his eyes open. It will always be a date that makes me sad. I wish more than anything our sons were here with us, still gazing into our eyes. Hugging you

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  5. I hate the 13th so much. My babies were born and Sophie died on the 13th. I guess I don't hate it. I guess I just dread it. I guess it's just every 13th we get it all back, ya know? And being Friday the 13th just felt even worse :(
    I so, so wish you were given a chance to know.
    thinking of you
    hugs

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  6. So wish I was hearing about Akul crawling around and giving you tips about the separation anxiety.

    So sorry your heart was so heavy yesterday.
    Such a beautiful boy Nimoli. You are in my thoughts xx

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  7. Thinking of you as 9 months has passed since Akul was born.

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  8. oh my, this post was so moving. thinking of you and wishing things had been different

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  9. I wish he was there crawling and jabbering...my ella was 2 days shy of nine months when she left us.. she would be almost 15 months now..toddling everywhere..it so unfair..hugs..

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  10. My first scan with the girls was a Friday 13th. The first time I saw them both alive and one of the very few times I would ever see G. But, like you, I thought I had a lifetime . . .

    I wish that Akul was crawling around and starting to talk. I'm sure he would be having a lovely time with you and Sunil. I'm so very sorry. xo

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  11. :,(

    i thought of you and akul today. this may be insensitive, because i know there are many, many indian cultures, but we watched "slumdog millionare" and i kept thinking of akul, when i was hearing all the indian names. i thought they were so pretty. and i remembered when you wrote about the indian boy on americal idol. just wanted to know i was thinking of you.

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  12. I didnt know that Friday was the 13th either. It's notoriously bad luck and I am so sorry that you found that out first hand. I wish Akul was in your arms tonight. *HUGS*

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  13. As hard as it is because you lost Akul, Friday the 13th IS a good day. You gave birth to a perfect, wonderful baby boy. I wish he was in your arms, or squirming out of your arms. *hugs*

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